Never – good enough

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That feeling when you know you’re never good enough for anything. Sometimes I wonder why I bother trying so hard. It’s not like I don’t know. It just sigh… Idk.

I probably got used to it but you know I still feel the pinch sometimes. Doesn’t mean when I keep quiet everything is okay. I just don’t want to let everyone’s mood get affected.

It’s not like I don’t want to improve. I just don’t know where to start. When you know you’re too shitty that everything needs improvement but yet you have no idea where to start.

And well I guess you can say that I’m too afraid to face my flaws.. Too scared of being judged. Why do I have an ego.. Just not daring enough to ask “can you tell me where I’ve gone wrong”. How can I ever overcome this. Sigh. Tried so many times already…

Over time I guess I learnt how to keep quiet. So that others won’t know. Because every time I get demoralized ill just get a whole lot more “scoldings”. Perhaps “scoldings” is a bit harsh..

That feeling when you can’t say anything and you have to keep it in you. I guess when I’m in a happier mood, ill brush it aside or not let it affect me that much. But when i down, I i can’t really hide my emotions well. It’s written all over my face. Even the smallest and most insignificant thing can make me cry.

I don’t know how much longer I can keep it in before I break down. Just trying to hold on and pin a smile on my face. Say “it’s okay”.

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