Ultimately – we are all the same

Hate it when you consider someone as your good friend. Close friend. But to them you’re just another friend in their life. Makes you feel so unimportant. You put them as a priority. But you’re just a back up to them. Hate it when plans are made. And the last minute they back out. Makes you wonder what you are to them.

Don’t really know why I am so upset by that. Seems like I really depend on others a lot. To give me my sense of security. And I thought I was fine with it. Guess not.

Guess it is really just my character. To me. Spending time with someone just shows how much he or she means to you. Everyone is busy. Whether or not you are willing to take out some time to spend with someone shows how important that person is to you. Sacrificing precious time. To me. That means more than anything. So I guess I get quite upset when others do not really take out time for me.

Then I remembered. Saying I did not really care about whether or not others spend time with me. Who am I kidding. What was I thinking. Quality time is what means the most to me.

Then again I do not want to spend so much time with the same people. Even if this means that I have to forfeit a closer friendship. Because I know I will become dependent on them. Expecting them to always be there. But truth is no one will be there forever. Just don’t want to get too close. Because when they leave. I’ll be torn apart again.

Guess that is just some part of me that I cannot change. Just the need to feel important.


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