Do you know what is the worse feeling. Not being misunderstood. Not not having anyone there who understands. But thinking that someone understands when he or she actually does not.
Many a times. It is not that I do not want to tell anyone how I feel. But just right at the moment I am about to say everything out. The other party says something which makes me wonder if they will understand my plight. Or feel me. Guess not. So I change my mind.
Super duper upset. I thought you would understand. And you gave my such a reply. Least you could do is give a more neutral reply. Better than a reply to make me feel even worse. Perhaps this is why everyone thinks I am so closed up. I am not. I just cannot find anyone who seems like he or she will understand me. Why waste your breath telling a whole bunch of people who cannot even sympathize with you. Plain waste of time. Got to admit. Half of the time people open up to others whom they think will be able to understand them and comfort them. I mean. That is the whole point of telling someone how you feel. No?
Suck in a dilemma. Deciding if I should tell my closest friends. But I do not want to trouble them anymore. It is fine to hear a friend out once in a while. But not having to talk them out of their negative feelings and thoughts everyday. Seems like I am always talking to them about unhappy things. I do not want to pass my negativity to them. Neither do I want to make them worry. So I guess I am left with only one option – keep it to myself.
Used to cry buckets. Now. Only two tears. One from each eye. That is all I can cry. Comes to a point even even your body does not feel the pain anymore. Just gone numb. Saddening. Now even when I want to let it all out I cannot. I cannot even force myself to cry. At best. My eyes tear. This is what happens when you have grown so used to it. That you no longer feel anything. Numbness.
Need to find an outlet for me to let out all that I have hid inside of me. Cannot hold it in much longer. Just not strong enough.