And – the memories remain

I went back. Back to the place. The place where we always hung out. It is still there. Written on the tree. In correction fluid. Your name. My name. And the date. Looks exactly the same. As when I wrote it a year ago. But what is not the same. Now. Is how we are.

The place changed I guess. Atmosphere dampened. Perhaps it is just me. The nostalgia. Nonetheless. Physically, the place looks worn out. Tired. The rubbery floor cracked. Littered with leaves. It looked abandoned and disregarded.
The grass grew a little yellow. Gone scarce. Seems poorly maintained. Small scrawny trees that grew taller. Way taller. No longer the shrubby bushes they used to be. Long lean stems exposed. Giving off a pretty eerie aura. Kind of preferred it when it was short. Because it blocks the view of the roads. Making me feel as if I am in some enclosed area. Safe and warm. Now. I feel all exposed.

There was no one there. No children screaming and laughing. No old couples taking a walk. No friends hanging out together. No one walking their dogs. Just pure coldness. Loneliness.

I sat down. Looked up to the sky. Closed my eyes. Took a deep breath. The gentle yet calming breeze gently swept past my face. Kissing me on the cheeks. Was not looking back. Was not thinking about all the times we had there. Was not hoping for things to be the way it was. Certain peace came upon me. Closure.

It has been so long. We have struggled so much. Hurt so much. Wept so much. I still remember the last time we held each other in our arms. That embrace. We knew. I knew. Was going to be the last we will ever have together. I cried. Because I knew. When we parted. And the day comes. The fairytale will come to an end. We have to wake up. Back to what is. And not what was. That moment of bliss. I will not forget. That was the last memory I had of you.

Still remember what I said to you when you asked me why I was crying. I replied. A tear because I miss you. A tear because I have wanted to hold you in my arms for so long. A tear because it feels like home again. A tear. Most importantly. Because I know it will soon be all over. You kept quiet. You knew better. But you did not want to upset me further. So you hugged a little tighter. And said everything was going to be okay. It was not a lie. It was just the least you could do to alleviate the pain for me. But that little bit gave me hope. False hope. But I did not and will not blame you. You would not have known better.

That place. Where we shared memories together. Reflects how we are now. Broken. Torn apart. Tired. Lonely. Grown cold. You cannot ignite something that has gone so cold and stale for so long. What we were was in the past. The joy. The youthfulness. The warmth. The love. Are all a fond part of our memories. But the time we had was. One year ago. When we were in love.

Took another deep breath. Whispered a prayer. Open my eyes and smiled. Stood up. Looked around one last time. Took my things and left. Those precious feelings and moments. We created together. Were real. And made up a large part of me. But now it is just a memory. That I hold close to my heart.

Locked. One year ago.


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