Friendships – can be so fragile

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I never knew friendships can be that fragile. And love has to come into the picture and destroy what seemed like a friendship that will last forever. You can never look at someone who you used to love as just a friend. Well because it just does not work that way. Cannot deny that they will always have this special place in your heart. I guess my greatest regret is having to lose quite a number of friends because love got in the way of our friendship.

Those awkward glances. Attempts to avoid eye contact. Walking pass each other, trying hard to pretend that we did not see each other. Changing of routines just so we will not meet. Choosing not to take notice of each other’s presence. Remaining silent when we are around each other. Trying to inject some jokes to mask the awkwardness and emptiness that is felt.

What happened to us.

When will things ever turn back to the way it was. When you could be you and I could be me. And we could do anything and everything under the sun. When we forgave easily and never stopped caring for each other. When we could leave all our past arguments behind and not take them to heart. When we enjoyed each other’s company.

Would it not be better if we were all emotionless beings. Then we will not have to go through all this. But then again, life will be so meaningless. True. Without sadness, there will also be no happiness. But least we do not have to suffer so much. Happiness is temporary and before we get our short lived happiness, we have to go through a rather long period of struggles and sadness. I hardly find that worth it. They say live for the moment. I wish I had the same conviction.

I guess only time will tell whether we really truly treasure our friendship. I guess both of us made a mistake. A mistake of letting one’s affection for the other to affect our friendship. But I would not blame you. Because I see how hard you are trying to mask everything behind that smile and laugh. Attempting to be normal and unaffected when we are talking to each other. I wish I could do something to take your pain away. I wish I had done something earlier. I am sorry. It hurts to be sitting here and watching you having to go through all this, incapable of doing anything. Maybe distance will really do you good.

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

I guess only time can heal these wounds. Dilute our memories so we will forget and start all over.

I may not know what the future holds. But I hope you will still be part of my life.

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