My greatest weakness is the inability to hold through to my word. Not because I break my promises but because I am so fickle-minded. I know it is really unfair for me to expect other to keep their word when I cannot even keep mine. Nonetheless, I really really really hate it when people break their promises. Do not make promises unless you are dead sure you can hold through to your word. This is pretty much the reason I always use the word “try” instead of “promise”.
The word “promise” is so overrated and misused such that the meaning of the word is lost. People use it so carelessly when they are happy. Making promises they think they can keep. As time passes, they forget the promises. Or when things go bad, they choose to break it. Perhaps this is why I do not believe promises lasts.
I still remember the promise you made me. That things are going to be fine. Wonder why it has been bothering me. Probably because from the looks of it, things will not turn back to the way it was. Not blaming you. I understand.
But understanding leads to acceptance. Currently, I am getting used to not having you around. Not talking to you. Not acknowledging your presence. They say when you have act long enough, it will soon become second nature. I guess that is happening now.
Yes, I am upset that things have to turn out this way. But I am no longer bothered about it. Not as much at least. I can live with it. I no longer see a need to change things back to the way it used to be. Will not say I am extremely happy where I am now. But if I can go about each day without feeling upset, that is good enough for me.
I am far from being a bitch or player. If you know me well, you will know that I truly value and treasure everyone who walks into my life. Try to help them be a better person. Remind them to stay on track. Comfort them when necessary. I never really expect anything in return. I do it simply because they are my friends. Appreciate it or not, I will still continue caring.
When people choose to leave, I try my best to make them stay. I do not want to lose good friends. But I guess I have come to realise that not everyone is meant to stay. Our paths just happened to cross for a period of time.
You have to admit I did try to fix things. I refuse to say a lot of things because I wanted to salvage the friendship. Till date, all those words still remain unsaid. I did take the initiative to strike a conversation or to lessen the tension between us. All I got was a cold response. And maybe a few attempted at making things more lighthearted.
I know forgetting does not happen overnight. And neither does letting go. But all these time apart, made me realise that I can live without you. Maybe life will not be half as fun. Maybe I will lose a text buddy. But I still can go on with life as per normal. So what for hold on to someone you can live without?
I give people many chances. I try to be understanding. But when indifference sets in, there is no turning back. I take a long time to let go. But when I finally do, that is the end. Not going to bother anymore.
If you truly meant what you said, or if you even remember what you said, then I hope you do keep your promise. But I will never take the initiative to try and mend things anymore. If I really mean that much to you, then it is time you take the initiative to speak to me and sort things out. If not, I will take it that you are fine without me too.
From now on, I will wash my hands off everything. I do not need you anymore.