Punctured – over and over again

Just a short one before I sleep.

I do hope that you are alright. Sorry if I accidentally ticked you off. Sigh. Sometimes, I do not know if you really mean it or if it is just a temporal thing, perhaps even on impulse. I do not only want to be there for the good times. I want to be there during the bad times too. And well, if you are no willing to open up to me, then I will consider giving up everything. I do not want to have this sort of relationship. It makes me feel so useless and upset all the time. You know all about me but I barely know you. That hardly makes sense.

I thought I will not get affect by it. I was wrong again. The reason why I have not broke down or showed signs of despair is because I chucked all my emotions to a corner. I refuse to think about anything that has happened or is happening.

Just a few hours ago, I slipped into my thoughts. It was a brief ten minutes or so but I ended up tearing. I am hurt. Really hurt. But I just do not show it anymore. I do not even want to think about the amount of pain I feel now. Perhaps it is true, it comes to a point when you are so afraid that you do not want to look too much into things.

For now, I am keeping my mind empty. I still feel the sting. But I guess I can control it better now. When will you ever know how much you mean to me.

Sometimes, I do wish that I could bring forward my overseas trips. Or better yet, stay overseas. I would not mind having no wifi, no phone, nothing. It feels good to detach yourself from reality once in a while and escape to happiness.

Just one more week to Taiwan. Cannot wait to, once again, leave all my worries behind. Holidays please do not end.

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