Frozen – in the moment

For once, I am really thanking God that it is Friday! (Even though I am going back to school later today.) Crazy first week of school for me. No idea why but this year I feel much busier as compared to the previous year. Training is three times a week as usual and homework did not increase significant either. I am quite baffled. How can I feel so busy when I nothing much has changed? Perhaps it is because I am trying to complete all my work and do a bit of revision here and there. Then again, it could be because I have started watching videos and reading books on a regular basis. Probably should spend more time on my academics. Hmm.

Ouch ouch ouch. My muscles are so tight. It has been a long time since I have felt so tired from all the physical activities. Training on Monday. Went jogging on Thursday. Headed down to the gym on Wednesday with the team. Then, it was training again on Thursday. Finally, talking a break on Friday. Hopefully, I will have time to hop on the treadmill tomorrow. Going to have a long day ahead with me.

What a great way to end a tiring week by catching a movie with the fatty. That moment when we both realised we should have watched something else. Nonetheless, Frozen was a really nice show and oh my, Idina Menzel’s (the person who did the voice over for Queen Elsa) voice is so so so nice. Heart melts. If only I could sing like her. I should probably stop dreaming of having a nice voice because I sound like a toad. That aside, I guess I could really relate to Queen Else. Not that I have an magical powers (it would be great if I did) but because I am always so afraid of hurting people around me. Sometimes, I do feel like my existence is more of a curse than blessing. Things I do, things I say and decisions I make tend to screw things up and create a big mess.

What bothers me the most is now I always end up hurting the people who care about me the most. If you know me well enough, you should know what I am referring to. Till date, I am still pretty bothered by it. The thought that I could actually be using you is super scary. I know you are somewhat fine with it but I am not. I guess it really boils down to my core values. I just feel that I would not be able to answer to myself.

One thing I am really thankful for is that fact that we can just sit down and have a proper talk with each other about it. And I must say for a loud and bold person, this is the first time I have seen so you lost for words. Or rather, hold back your words. I am honestly quite amused. But thank goodness both of us came clean. I am still pretty bothered by everything but I suppose I am not going to raise it anymore. Why create another big scene and strain our relationship when we can just chuck everything aside and just have fun. I have come to a consensus that it is best to just leave it as it is. A state of equilibrium I would say.

Truthfully, I do enjoy your company though you think otherwise. You can be a total pain in the ass when you go overboard or just give some “I do not give a fuck” attitude (sorry for the lack of a better expression). And a total joke when you talk about all the superficial and meaningless things. However, when you start to tone down and reveal the understanding and more personal side of you, you are a joy to talk to. I always feel so conflicted because it is not everyday that I see the other side of you.

Anyway, thank you for the much needed heart to heart talk and just random fun and laughter. On top of that, I am really thankful that I met you last year (wow, how times flies). As annoying and childish as you can get, you do bring joy to me. Well done on living up to your name. 

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The quote is a little bit off and it is going to be cheesy but thanks for being the jam in my life and I hope that you will continue to brighten up other people’s lives. See you in school. (Hope I can wake up in time.)

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