So – cute but not cool

And there everyone goes again. So cute. So sweet. I never felt so suffocated before. I never felt so stressed out before. I never knew something good could turn out to be something that is causing me so much unhappiness. Or am I, once again, over thinking?

I do get upset when too many people knows about you and me. And well I did tell a few more people than you did but I trusted them not say. Like honestly, I didn’t expect him of all people to tell others. And to think the first person I told was him. I just did not want to spoil the new year mood so I kept it to myself. (I know he will eventually see this but whatever.)

I hate it because of it really stressed me out a lot. I really hate attention when it comes to this kinds of things. Do not run before you can walk they say. That is the way I function too. I have not got it figured out and everyone already assumes that I am with you. Makes me feel like I am suppose to comply with their decision.

But the thing is, I refuse to say yes because I feel like I am short changing you. It is very obvious that you like me more than I do for you. And before I am sure of my feelings for you, I do not want to jump into anything. But right now, I feel obligated to say yes because of everyone. It feels like I no longer have a say in what I want.

In short, to me, this is between me and you. There is no need to let the whole world know what is going on. However, right now it seems like it is you and the rest making the decision and me just following suit. If I had known this will happen, I would never have told you that I like you. I do feel pretty stressed up that is why I grow all quiet and cold.

I do not want to make a decision based on peer pressure and end up giving you less than what you deserve. That is why the other night I got a bit pissed off when I found out that so many others knew about it. Like what am I am suppose to do now. Well I can always just agree for the sake of agreeing but all you will get is a status and no heart.

This is why I get a bit upset at you. Maybe it is because you proclaim your feelings for me so openly that it is getting too much attention. And I cannot really handle it too well. So I get upset at you because, in some sense, the reason why everyone knows is because you made it that obvious. Like you know I do not like it and yet you do it. So, I get a bit ticked off.

Right now, I just feel super pressured and stressed out and helpless and irritated and everything not so nice. I hope what happens to us stays between us.


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