If you say it often enough, I will start believing it.
And that is what I did.
I know I have not been the most obedient nor compliant. Neither have I stayed within the boundaries set for me. But if you are going to look at me with those condescending eyes for the rest of my life, I will never believe you when you say you are here to help.
If only you knew how I beat myself up for being so rash and irrational. If only you knew how much it hurts when I hear those sarcastic remarks. Oh, and you wonder why I view myself as worthless.
Do you ever feel like you have to hide yourself from everyone?
Because you know they are going to judge you for who you are.
You try to hide the past. Those wounds. The hurt. The hate. Somewhere. Somewhere no one will know. Somewhere so deep on you, hoping that one day you will forget too.
But no. That is not how life works. The more you hide. The faster these things resurface. The more you run. The faster these things catch up with you.
The more you try to conceal everything, the more the cracks show. And finally, one day, when you can no longer hide no more, you show your hand. Vulnerable.
Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and the song “Reflection” plays in my head.
Who am I. What exactly am I here for. Have I done anything that impacted someone’s life.
Lost. Lost. Lost.
But life still goes on.
Sometimes, I wish I could find meaning in what I do.
That will make life a whole lot more worth living.
“Don’t count the days, make the days count.”
~ Muhammad Ali