Words – between our breaths

I have been wondering. In fact, it just hit me today that all we have been doing lately is argue about team stuffs and well train our asses off.

I have been quite well upset about the fact that I do not get to spend enough time with you. But well, you never really seem to have time for me so I guess I will have to live with it. To be honest, I have gotten used to your lack of freedom. I know it is something beyond your control so I choose to accept it and try to work around it. There is only so much time we have for each other because there is training and tuition and other random commitments. So whatever. Not like I can do anything about it.

I suppose it just gets a bit tiring when I am the one trying to do stuffs to get you involved in my life. I text you a long goodnight messages every night without fail (even when you where overseas and even when I am so damn tired). A text is nothing compared to an essay but trust me, I still take quite a while to craft my message.

I do it not because of routine. I do it because I know you are that kind of guy who wants to be involved in the lives of the people you care about. You want to hear about my day. You want to hear about how I feel. Most importantly, you are the kind of guy who needs words of affirmation or appreciation. Yes, I know you love sweet nothings. On my part, this is one of the few little things I can do for you since I am a rather incapable girlfriend. But sometimes, I wish you could do something nice for me. Just once in a while.

Do I really ask for that much? Maybe asking for time itself is too much. Because time is something we humans will never have enough of.

Sorry, you will not be receiving a text tonight. I do not want to honey coat my words or say things I do not mean. I think I just need a time out.

And I was thinking. Maybe I was right. Maybe you are the best friend I need. But not so much the boyfriend. I do not know. And maybe my guy instinct was right. Just maybe, everything happened a tad too fast.

Just sigh. Leave me alone.

“I can tell she’s upset, but I can’t be bothered to say anything. Some days are just like that.”

~ Ida Løkås


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