Stuck – in the middle

Why is it the people who care for you the most the ones whom you hurt the most.

I cannot think about it. Or rather talk to you without my eyes tearing up. Never did I expect the person to hurt me the most to be you. Less so that you will do all this now, of all times now.

Sure, I have gotten upset and have gone to bed heavy hearted but nothing ever left me this broken-hearted. It has been a while since I have been so upset, the last time was probably last year.

Once again, I am being up in a spot. A spot that I have always been avoiding. One again, to follow my head or my heart. Once bitten twice shy they say, no wonder I am leaning towards following my head. A year ago, I would confidently say my heart. However, right now, perhaps it is time to grow up and prioritise. The fool gets fooled again, the wise learns and changes.

Then again, am I going to make a decision I know I will regret? Am I going to (once again) give up something I really want just because the going gets tough? Am I really going to let history repeat itself all over again? Or am I going to foolishly let my heart rule my head?

Stuck at the same old junction not know which way to go. As usual, I will be staying there for quite a while. Is it really that hard to make a decision and stick to it? Apparently so. Damn it. Can I get going already?

To irresponsibly throw in the towel again because that is always the easier way out. Or to hold on because you probably need me the most now. (On a side note, it always seems like I choose the latter just to prove that I am not as weak as I seem. Then again who am I proving myself to? Is it not saddening to know that I am doing so much just to prove a point? What happened to acceptance? But that is a story for another day.)

Sigh pie. Why do we (I) always complicate things. Anyway, it really sucks having to clear up the mess I created. Of all times, all these just have to happen to me now. Meh.

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