The thing about life is that you can never have full control over everything. You can never make someone reply you when you want them to. You cannot make someone care about you when he or she doesn’t want to. You cannot alter anything such that it goes the way you want it. The only thing you have full control of is yourself.
I would love to give myself a window to be upset. To mull over everything. To just sit at a corner and cry. But time is really not on my side.
The gravity of what this whole national examination has finally set in. I would most definitely like to take my time. Repeat another year is need be. Screw up and try again. I wish I had that luxury but it was only recently that I found out that I cannot afford to repeat the year all over again.
Responsibilities set in and I have to shoulder some part of it sooner or later, regardless of how immature and childish I am. I always knew things were bad but little did I expect it to be this bad. Nobody speaks of it but we all know the truth. I thought I had more time. Time perhaps to take a detour or hit the pause button. I didn’t know there is no back up plan. There is just simply no room for “what ifs”, I have to keep moving forward.
Yet another issue that weighs heavy on my heart. As time grows increasingly short, the pressure and stress builds up. Now, more so when I am a tad more aware of things, there is simply no margin of error left. I need to pull through the next one month. There is no back up plan. Not anymore.
I am sorry. I really am. I would like to give both of us more time. But I cannot afford it anymore. Not given the way things are. Forgive me.
Still trying to reach out to you.