Growing – up


What were we thinking when we said that we couldn’t wait to grow up. Why the desire to step into reality and leave that dreamland that was build for us?

As I step into a new phase of life that’s filled with much uncertainty, I begin to appreciate the times when things are much simpler. The days when all I had to do was – wake up, go to school, go for CCA, go home, dinner, homework, sleep. Sounds like a pretty sad routine but at least I had some sort of goal or purpose – to study (as sad as that sounds).

Now, I have the freedom to do whatever I want with my time. It is rather daunting to know that I have to plan everything on my own. Work. Extra courses. Meet ups. Church. Driving lessons. Perhaps I am just so used to being that sheltered kid whose parents would plan everything and I would blindly follow. (I’ll like to make a note here that if I ever do have a kid in the future, I wouldn’t bring him up the way my parents did. Perhaps throwing him out in the open will really help him in the future. Least he doesn’t turn out like me.)

But admittedly, planning and organizing my schedule is really just a secondary issue. What bothers me more is that I am not using my time to the fullest. Surely there is more to living than just working, eating, learning and whatever things you do in between. The desire to do something more or perhaps greater is stronger than ever (as cheesy as this sounds). What I am missing, is a goal.

Then again, I cannot really decide what exactly is it that I want to achieve. Volunteer at a shelter. Pick up cooking or baking. Go for Muay Thai classes. Pick up a new skill at work. There are so many things I can do in six months.

I can just get a job and spend my time working but what is the meaning in that? Just to earn a few extra bucks? There has to be something more fulfilling out there that I can spend my time on. I guess it boils down to the need to spend this six months worth of time wisely. Six months is a lot of time and I hope to gain the most from this.

Even as I plan my time and search for more fulfilling things, I hope that everything will fall into place. Here’s to a more fulfilling year ahead.

Paradoxical beings.


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