Nostalgia – humbling memories

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I wonder what brings me here again, to a place of being real with myself.

As I look though the yearbook, I cannot help but look back at the two years I have spent in that hell hole. Those two years were definitely the most challenging years of my life. Having been shove to the ground over and over again and learning to pick myself up. Admittedly, I really hated those two years of my life. But having said that, I must humbly admit (yet again) that I brought half of these things upon myself. Ignorant teen with poor judgment.

The emotional roller coaster ride in J1. The lack of confidence on field. The inferiority complex. The break ups. The family problems. The crazy A levels. The crazy me. It has been a hell of a journey.

There is undoubtedly a tinge of regret. Wrong decisions and wrong choices. As bitter as I am about these experiences, I am also very thankful. Thankful that life did not make it easy for me. I have learnt so much about myself from the past two years.

And most importantly, I am thankful for the people who have been placed in my life during the past two years. The people who came and left. The people who came and stayed. Every single one of them.

With some reference to my previous post, I choose to keep those happy memories close to my heart and leave the bad ones behind. At times, when I scroll though my photo album (I don’t have a habit of deleting any of my photos), I cannot help but smile. Though I may have lost some of the people in these photos, the memories will always stay the same.

As cliche as it sounds – don’t cry because it is over but smile because it happened. All my life, I always thought that this saying had a regretful undertone, as if it only comes to mind when one looks back with regrets and wishes things had turned out differently. But now, I truly understand what this saying means. I look back with a heart full of gratitude and thankfulness and say – everything that happens, good or bad, happens for a reason and there is no need to regret.

To all my friends who did well, I am extremely proud and happy for you. You all worked so hard and you finally reaped the fruits of your labour. Trust me when I say this is one of the rare moments when I am genuinely happy for others and there is no hint of jealousy or envy. To those who didn’t do as well or worse than expected, I am still happy that all of you survived As. It was a trying two years of our lives and I hope that with whatever you have, you will move on to your next phase in life with excitement and anticipation.

I could have come up with a thousand reasons to hate you, yet I chose the one that made me not to.

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