Sometimes I really don’t get how I can be so hung up over someone. How is it even possible for me to like someone I barely know. I don’t know your shoe size. I don’t know the colour of your eyes. I don’t know who you family is. I don’t know anything about you.
But yet I know this is exactly what I was looking for. I don’t know why. I don’t know how. And I don’t intend to know.
All I really care about is you. Is to be able to put your broken pieces back together. Is to be able to hold you and tell you it will all be alright. Is to be able to talk to you. To talk. Just talk to me please.
No, not just talk to me as if nothing is wrong. Talk to be as if everything is wrong. Let me know the truth. Let me know what is going on. Just let me in will you.
It really frustrates me. When all I can do is sit on the sidelines and watch you fuck up. Literally. Hello, do you not hear me. From the side. No strikes. No arounds. Left hand up. Watch your back.
But then again, life is not a game. I cannot see what the lies ahead. I cannot see someone running deep and tell you no hucks.
And even if I could, I cannot say with absolute certainty that it will happen (or not happen). I could say right hand low, but he might still be able to squeeze a throw out.
Similarly in life, even if you know certain things are going to happen and you prepare your upmost best for it, you will never really know how things will turn out. At the end of the day, you have to learn to deal with what comes your way.
Right now, I am not exactly dealing with it well. I can say with upmost certainty that it is always easy to go back to your old habits. But do I really want to put myself through all that again?
That is something I am struggling to answer.
A few shots now will do the soul some good.