Not many people get it. They sort of empathise. They sort of try. Try to relate or “understand”. But I haven’t met anyone who truly understood how it’s like.
They know. They know that when we face problems, we will turn around and run away. They know that we give up easily. They know that we are too afraid to try.
But they don’t know. They don’t know that every time we face problems, we never intended to run to away. They don’t know that we give up because we had one too many setbacks. They don’t know that we really do want to try.
They say get up and try again. But that very simple act of getting up and getting a grip is probably the hardest thing to do for us.
How hard can it be?
Imagine with me.
With each failure, you tell yourself the next attempt will be better. The next opportunity arises and you try. And like before, your genuine attempt takes a wrong turn and you end up crashing into a wall. Annoyed? Yeah, definitely. But instead of taking it within your stride, you flare up. Throw you hands in the air and call it quits. You leave furiously, swearing you will never try again.
But you walk away only to realise moments later that you never truly wanted to give up. You were just frustrated. Disappointed. Upset. That your hard work just wasn’t enough. That you weren’t enough.
You want to go back. You want to try again. But going back just seems rather awkward now. And you fear that you will once again throw in the towel when things go wrong. So you find yourself giving up simply because you wouldn’t give yourself another chance.
Take it from me. From a girl who fails in probably everything she does. From a girl who feels like she lets everyone down over and over again. From a girl who no longer has confident in herself.
We really want to try again. But somehow we just cannot see things objectively. Instead of seeing that particular failure as it is, we see it as an addition to our already long list of failures. Thus, when faced difficulties, we fall back into our same old pattern. Instincts.
And each time we give up, we feel smaller. We hate ourselves a little more. Until it comes to a point when we give up before we start trying. Because we no longer believe in ourselves anymore.