She left again. Without turning back or saying good bye. She wouldn’t even let me hold her. She is broken.
I watched as she walked further and further away from me. I didn’t give chase. I didn’t know if she wanted me there.
Went back up to the library to grab my things. I wanted to be there for her. But will she let me?
My phone rang. She called. I asked her if she was okay. Her only response was “where are you”. I told her I was in the lift heading to the platform. She said she was sitting around if I wanted to find her. The lift stopped. The doors opened and I hastily got out looking for her.
I see her.
I threw my bag beside her and knelt in front of her. She wouldn’t look up. Then tears fell from her eyes. I tried to catch them but they were one too many. I hugged her and asked if she was okay. She said she wanted to go home. So I look her home.
On board the train, I held her in my arms. Rubbed her back. Kissed her forehead. Offered to hold her books but she refused. I pulled her in as close as I could. Held her so tight and told her it will be fine. I just wanted her to know that I was there.
She wouldn’t stop crying the whole way home. Helplessness filled her soul. Flustered. Worried. Scared. She was falling apart. I looked at her eyes. Those that were once filled with joy and hopefulness are now void of emotions. She is at it again. Her emotions were eating her alive.
I brushed her hair aside and kissed her forehead. I wish she knew that I’ll do anything to save her. I held her arms in my hand. Traced those scars with my finger tips. My heart ached. Why would she do this to herself. Why can’t she see what I see in her.
I looked down at the girl I was holding in my arms. She is such a bundle of joy. She is my source of comfort and support. She is the witty one whose quirky ways always make me smile. But when those horrid emotions take over, I lose her.
She hurts herself. She hates herself. She asks me to find someone else. But I can’t. And I won’t. Because she is the one I want and need.
It hurts me so much more to see her self-destruct and I can’t do anything about it. I just want her back. Give her back. Please.
I looked down at her still sobbing away in my arms. God please protect her when I am not there. Keep her safe.
I wish she knew how wonderful of a person she is. I wish she knew how much I love her. I wish she knew that she is enough for me and always will be.
I pulled her in and squeezed her. Gently landing a kiss on her cheek.
The train bell rang. It’s time to alight.